I had always identified as bi-curious from a young age. Now after years of denying my inner voice it was time to explore and act on my secret desires.
My first girl crush was a typical male media-driven female ideal of Pamela Anderson. Whilst at the same time I lusted over Madonna and her strength and determination.
I engaged in heterosexual relationships, which I found were never able to meet my emotional needs and I fantasized about sexual liaisons with females. When I tried to explore this with partners, it typically became about how they may be able to benefit from my attraction.
Some 20 years later, having been through motherhood, separation, relocation and many other journeys in my life, I found myself not only seeking the physicality and femininity of the female form but also the strength and determination that they represent. My perception of beauty had shifted somewhat and I sought to connect with someone who represented and understood the desires I craved for emotionally and sexually.
Now is my opportunity to explore and using online dating profiles seemed the best way forward. Nervous and excited with anticipation, I created my profile. I had a few responses from women who just wanted a sexual experience or women who wanted a full-blown committed relationship.
Then I found her! When I saw the glint in her eye I realised that this match might be worth pursuing. We tentatively started speaking and found that we had a lot in common. She too has never had a girl-on-girl experience, but on her journey had recognised that now she identified as a lesbian. She also appreciated the femininity of others. Her life experiences have not been straightforward and her growth and determination just made her more and more attractive to me.
I found myself feeling nervous when I communicated with her, slightly intimidated because she was everything I could ever wish for in my first girlie experience. We have made arrangements to go for a girly night out with cocktails and see how things go.
It's highly likely we will get a little giggly and then end up just really good friends... but deep down I've fantasised that after such a long time that it will be more than that. I've spent many evenings considering how it would go when we meet for the first time.
We would both dress up to the nines because looking good is important to us and we want to attract each other. Because of this, we will both be feeling exceptionally confident and shine sexuality. Others would see two woman meeting for drinks and assume we were friends who had not met for a long time.
To us, we would know different, we would be shy giggly and drink a little too much. Our legs might brush against one another's accidentally on purpose and we might hold hands. Any touch would be electric.
At some point through the evening, as all girls do, we would head to the bathroom together. The queue would be long, so we would sneak into the disabled toilet. As soon as the door closed, we wouldn't be able to resist any longer and would kiss, softly at first then harder and more vigorously whilst checking with each other all was ok.
The urgency combined with softness would be so unique yet so sexy. I imagine we would both be holding back as it was our first time, but that I would ask her if she minded if I made her come.
She would nod gently but excitedly and I would carefully and gently slip my finger into the edge of her exquisite lace underwear. As I did so I would notice her breathing becoming short and feel how soaking wet she already was.
I would insert one and then two fingers and begin to rhythmically penetrate her. I'd start slowly and then steadily go faster and faster... pushing the tips of my fingers upwards towards her G-spot. I'd know she is beginning to come as she'd breath faster and push her hips into my hand.
Before she climaxes and no time to waste, I would sink to my knees, pull down her lacey knickers in order to find her beautiful highly engorged clitoris. I gently flick my tongue over it whilst my fingers did what they instinctively knew to do.
In only a few seconds she would gently pull at my hair and I would feel her climax and taste that she had enjoyed the experience.
So what will actually happen? I'm unsure how our first meeting will actually go, but I know I'm pretty keen to consider it further and hopefully, our first time together will be in a setting in one of our home's.
This whole fantasy is so much stronger than the one I had when younger. It feels beautiful and I'm ready for an experience that could be all-consuming and will be a completely new adventure.
I hope that I have the opportunity to experience this soon and if I do I'll share that with you...
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