Totally Normal Sex Fantasies

So, what exactly is a sexual fantasy?

A sexual fantasy is any mental image, thought, or story that turns you on. You may be dying to act it out or just like to think about it. But while we all have our thing (or two or five or eight) that gets us off, some people tend to question if their fantasies are “normal".

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No matter what your jam is in fantasyland, remember that your private thoughts don’t define you—and that it’s okay to have sexual fantasies that conflict with whom you believe yourself to be in real life. Your fantasy life is your fantasy life, until and unless you choose to make it into more. Whether the situations you picture are tame or wild, “standard” or taboo, sexual imagination can be a deep well of joy and excitement.

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Sexual fantasies (and acting them out) are healthy as long as they're approached with respect and involve consent, consent, consent, and, of course, consent.  If you’re still unsure about your sexual fantasy and where it falls on the “common” scale—that is, if that’s a concern to you—research has found seven most common.

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Infidelity

You can be perfectly happy with your partner and still find something electrically exciting about the idea of cheating on them. It could be the danger of getting caught that draws you in, the freshness of a new sexual connection, or something else entirely. We are excited by the unknown, about losing control, and allowing a new and surprising experience to unfold. Because it is such a common fantasy, you can ask your partner to play along. Sometimes the fantasy is hotter than the reality.

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As with many fantasies, it’s important to keep in mind that wanting to imagine this type of sex doesn’t necessarily mean you want to have this type of sex. But if you do, maybe some form of ethical non-monogamy is an avenue you should explore.

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Sex in Public

The thrill of sex in a public or semi-public place has long been a popular fantasy: dark alleys, public bathrooms, and movie theatres are common choices. The thrill of getting caught or being on display for any unsuspecting passerby is high on the list of those looking to spice up their bedroom.

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But, there's a big caveat here. While getting busy in the park might seem fun, it could also result in arrest and putting some unconsenting adults and children in clear view of your berries and cream. Trying to attain that same thrill on a private rooftop or with the windows open is more sensible. You can also enjoy a bit of this thrill by planning a little getaway with playful friends. Rent a house and find places around to get caught. Who knows, maybe your friends will join in.

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Dominating Someone

Fantasies of being in control in the bedroom are also quite common—47% of people who identify as women admit to having had this fantasy. It can be incredibly hot to call the shots during sex, especially in a culture that systematically tries to strip minority groups of our power both in and out of the bedroom. To try this one, the same rules as above apply: discuss the scene with your partner, establish boundaries and a safe word, and keep intoxicants like alcohol at a minimum.

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Voyeurism

Watching other people get it on can be a massive turn-on as well. Maybe you imagine peeking at a couple getting intimate in a fitting room at the mall, sitting in as an anonymous tipper in an online cam show, or watching a boundary-pushing BDSM scene at a dungeon. There are many possibilities for (consensual) spectating.

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Sex With an Ex

Most of the time, going there again would be bad—even if you regret breaking up with your ex. Fantasizing about an ex doesn't mean you want to get back together. Often, this kind of fantasy is about nostalgia for something familiar—or simply some good memories of hot hookups. Luckily, you can revisit the excellent-in-bed ex you’ll (hopefully) never hook up with again in your fantasy life, without any of the emotional drama that could arise if you tried.

Lesbian Sex

Interestingly, this fantasy is common even for women who identify as straight. It might be the mild frisson of taboo still attached to same-sex interactions, or it might be that lesbian sex tends to focus on the things that actually get most women off: oral sex, fingering, and other clit-focused activities. Fantasizing about sex with another woman could mean you’re actually attracted to women, but it also might not; either way, it can be fun to imagine—and maybe act out. If you're looking to explore, just make sure you're honest and upfront about your intentions. 

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Anal Sex

Though anal just straight-up feels good for many folks, it also comes with a whole host of cultural taboos that add to its forbidden hotness. It’s “dirty,” something only “bad girls” do. You don’t have to ascribe to these shame-y, outdated judgments in your day-to-day life to be able to enjoy some of that element in your fantasy life.  If you're new to trying anal, relaxation, communication, and plenty of lube are the key. 

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