THE BLISSPOINT SEX FANTASY SURVEY
See how your Sex Fantasies compare
It's totally normal to have sex fantasies, so we decided to run our own survey to see what you fantasise about? Do we all fantasise about the same things? And do we fantasise about different things or have one burning desire we can't stop dreaming about?
Being Dominated is your No 1 fantasy
Our survey identifies that 29% of you have 'Being Dominated' as your main sexual fantasy. Fantasies of being in control in the bedroom are common— 58% of you who identify as women admit to having had this fantasy. It can be incredibly hot to call the shots during sex, especially in a culture that systematically tries to strip minority groups of our power both in and out of the bedroom. To try this one, the same rules as above apply: discuss the scene with your partner, establish boundaries and a safe word, and keep intoxicants like alcohol at a minimum.
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12% of you dream about Lesbian Sex
Interestingly, this fantasy is common even for women who identify as straight. In fact, 36% of us dream about having sex with another woman at some point and 12% have it as a main fantasy. So if you do... it's quite normal. It might be the mild frisson of taboo still attached to same-sex interactions, or it might be that lesbian sex tends to focus on the things that actually get most women off: oral sex, fingering, and other clit-focused activities. Fantasizing about sex with another woman could mean you’re actually attracted to women, but it also might not; either way, it can be fun to imagine—and maybe act out. If you're looking to explore, just make sure you're honest and upfront about your intentions.
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Threesomes are dreamed about by 53% of women
Of all our fantasies a 'Threesome' is the second most dreamed about fantasy and 10% of you have it as their main fantasy. So if you've been thinking about bringing another person into the bedroom, you're not alone. Just be mindful of Rapini's earlier tips. And make sure it's something both you and your partner want to do.
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Infidelity is a fantasy for 1 in 20
You can be perfectly happy with your partner and still find something electrically exciting about the idea of cheating on them. In fact, 20% of use dream about being unfaithful regularly and 7.5% have this as their main fantasy. It could be the danger of getting caught that draws you in, the freshness of a new sexual connection, or something else entirely. We are excited by the unknown, about losing control and allowing a new and surprising experience to unfold. Because it is such a common fantasy, you can ask your partner to play along. Sometimes the fantasy is hotter than reality.
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As with many fantasies, it’s important to keep in mind that wanting to imagine this type of sex doesn’t necessarily mean you want to have this type of sex. But if you do, maybe some form of ethical non-monogamy is an avenue you should explore.
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40% of us dream of Sex in Public
Performing in front of strangers is the main fantasy for 1-in-3 of us and 7% have this as our main fantasy. The thrill of sex in a public or semi-public place has long been a popular fantasy: dark alleys, public bathrooms, and movie theatres are common choices. The thrill of getting caught or being on display for any unsuspecting passerby is high on the list of those looking to spice up their bedroom.
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But, there's a big caveat here. While getting busy in the park might seem fun, it could also result in arrest and putting some unconsenting adults and children in clear view of your berries and cream. Trying to attain that same thrill on a private rooftop or with the windows open is more sensible. You can also enjoy a bit of this thrill by planning a little getaway with playful friends. Rent a house and find places around to get caught. Who knows, maybe your friends will join in.
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How to Discuss Sexual Fantasies With your Partner
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Establish Boundaries Beforehand
Establishing boundaries before acting out sexual fantasy forces each person to think about what they really want and why they really want it. But just as important as the stuff you don’t want to do. It could be something you find gross, something that scares you or troubles you emotionally, or something you hear and decide “Man, I just don’t want to do that. Ever.” You don’t need to justify why you’re not into it. Ideally, you’ll have an actual conversation about this, but any decent partner will respect the word no.
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Don’t Just Listen To Each Other; Hear Each Other
“Do a yes/no/maybe list exploring all of your potential fantasies with your partner (or partners) and use that tool as a conversation starter to negotiate what can be fulfilled in the partnership,” says Hart. "If your partner(s) are a no to participating in impact play, for example, discuss exploring play parties (BDSM parties) to find one you're both comfortable with and can participate in impact when you are ready.”
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Listen to What They’re Saying During Sex
And not just verbally. During sex, any sort of sex, you can figure out a lot about what your partner needs by their body language. So pay attention and listen to what they’re asking of you. (Or even just pay attention to their moans and what gets a positive reaction.) Sometimes, the difference between okay sex and amazing sex is as little as an inch or rolling over and letting someone else steer for a few minutes.
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Practice Aftercare
Saynt is a huge advocate of aftercare when it comes to intense sexual acts. As he explains, it gives your mind and body a chance to decompress as well as process what was just experienced. You simply don’t walk away from a hot and heavy BDSM session. Instead, you recap, talk about it and make sure everyone involved is feeling safe, satisfied, and good about the experience.
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Read the original articles at Womenshealthmag.com & Glamour.com